dozing off

[Ray Finkle]

So soft your hair
so blue your eyes
so sweet your voice
always in the end
always alone
I think of you
So much regret
Frustation at my stupidty
Anger at my ignorance

Counting the seconds of the night,
The distant train rumbles,
The wind wispers, indistinctly
I can see your face,
your smile
what i would give
to hold you close again
and what i would do
if i could change the past

i feel your small hand in mine
and everytings gonna be ok
i dont want to open my eyes
i dont want to see my empty hand
always alone
tired of the emptiness

what happened to home
so much has changed
its not even home anymore
The ones who should be happy to see me
act like they barely know me
the ones who barely know me
act happy to see me
the ones who i love
pretend i dont exist

at least my fucking dogs havent changed
they've just gotten older
the drowsyness bites into me
fatigue infests me,
too tired to even jerk off
i'll just go to bed
i can always lie to myself
i'm sure tomorow will be a better day

and i drift off,
leaving conciousness behind
and i can smell sweet hair
and see your deep eyes
and feel your soft skin
and i convince myself of the lie
that everythings just fine

[parch]

okAY AT first i didn't like it at all and wasn't gonna respond cause i didn't wanna be an ass but then i decided to read it again and just say what i thought(since that's what this place if for)...then i read it and i liked it... but i should tell you that the first read came off bad and i don't know why... this reminded me of the inner dialogue and the memories in the novel "johnny got his gun"....by dalton trumble. i think that's who its by. anyway. i liked how that seemed to ...seemed to.... hell! i don't know.. but it was ok.

to a side point
"johnny got his gun" fucking rocks as a book and all and its so absorbing...fuck..made me have nightmares..but hell.. that's just me.

___---parch

[Ray Finkle]

I won't deny that I'm a shitty poet, maybe i'll get better over time. I appreciate an honest critic.

jl

[parch]

from first reply--"then i read it and i liked it"
--side note.
everyone has to grow, we all need improvement, in time you will get better but that does not mean you "suck" now. you are a beginner. i started worse off than most people i've read before and you'd laugh if you read the stuff i used to write and claim was poetry. in time i hope i will get better, and i hope all the other poets posting here get better as well. we all have room for it.

i'm glad you appreciate an honest critic cause that's all you're gonna get from me.

___---parch